Facing Life’s Transitions: Living Aligned with Your Values
Eight years ago, when I first arrived in Canada from China, everything felt both exciting and overwhelming. Suddenly, I found myself in a world where even the simplest things—ordering coffee, finding the right bus, and making small talk—felt like challenges. The language barrier, cultural differences, and building a new circle of friends sometimes made me feel like I was drifting without an anchor.
If you’ve ever gone through a significant life transition—such as moving to a new country, changing jobs, or even shifting roles within your family—you probably know that mix of hope and fear. You want to build a meaningful life, but at the same time, there are so many obstacles and uncertainties.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), there’s a metaphor I love called “demons on the boat.” Imagine you’re steering a boat toward a meaningful destination—your values, the life you want to live. But on the deck, there are “demons”: fear, self-doubt, loneliness, shame. They yell at you: “You can’t do this!” or “You’ll never belong!” Sometimes they look so intimidating that you want to stop sailing, or even turn the boat around.
Here’s the key: if you let the demons control your direction, you’ll never reach where you truly want to go. But if you keep steering toward your values—even with the demons shouting—you’ll find yourself living a life that matters to you. The demons may not disappear, but they cannot truly harm you, and their power fades when they no longer dictate your choices.
Looking back, my journey in Canada has been full of these “demons.” There were moments when I felt isolated or insecure, wondering if I would ever fit in. However, what helped me move forward was returning to my core values—connection, growth, and compassion. These values guided me to keep learning English, to build friendships even when it was awkward, and eventually to step into the path of becoming a therapist.
Life transitions will always bring challenges. We can’t always control the demons on our boat, but we can choose to stay true to the direction that matters most. And in doing so, we create a life that feels authentic and meaningful—one aligned with our deepest values.
Written by Fang (Alice) Wei
